Note From An Idiotic Fangirl
by Rexan
Summary: Thirteen is the minimum age to make an account on this site, and there's a pretty good reason for that, too... - One shot; crack fic.


_I'm not even sure you should be here. Maybe you clicked that title by accident._

_What? You _want_ to read this? Okay. Your choice. You're just choosing to have your brain blow up into a grey puddle, but sure._

_Whatever floats your boat.  
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"Saaanjiii..." Luffy whined. "Where _are_ you? It's time for breakfast..." After just that one sentence, however, Luffy realized something else. Where was _anyone?_ "Guys? Where are you? This is weird..." He settled on the idea that they were playing hide-and-seek, but he was too hungry to look for them.

So, not having anything to do, Luffy wandered into the kitchen to see if he could try and cook himself something to eat. Fortunately, he didn't get to the stove or oven or anything of the sort that could have happened to burn the Merry Go down. Instead, what he found peaked his interest even more than food, which was very strange, considering what it was.

A note.

A little Post-It-like paper was stuck on the middle of the table, and it had extremely messy handwriting scrawled onto it. It was so bad in fact, that it rivaled Luffy's own writing.

"Huh?" Luffy snatched it up and tried to decipher it for about ten seconds before he grew bored. "Eh. I'll just go and ask Nami." Even though he hadn't been able to find her a minute earlier, Luffy still set off to go and find his orange-haired navigator.

"Nami... I want you to read something," he announced to no one in particular while making his way down to her bedroom. He looked into the room and saw Nami lying down on the couch and looking up at the ceiling, seeming as if she was concentrating on burning a bug on the ceiling to a crisp with just her gaze.

"Nami!" Luffy laughed. "There you are!" He rushed over to her and then happily asked, "Can you read this to me?"

Nami glanced at Luffy then shrugged and took the paper. For a moment, she was carefully looking it over like she was trying to figure out some sort of code that was etched on it. "Alright," she began. "It says, 'Hello, there. So, today is'..." She paused and then squinted at the next word. Shortly after, she nodded, showing she figured it out. "...'today is my first day to write'—" She stopped again, but for a much different reason that time.

"GET AWAY FROM ME, CURLY BROW!"

Zolo's angry shouts were come from up on the deck of the ship, and Nami quickly abandoned the small note on the couch, instead rushing up to see what the heck was going on.

Luffy moaned with the knowledge that he wasn't going to be able to have breakfast _or_ that letter read to him. He slowly trudged after Nami.

On the ship's deck, Sanji was advancing on Zolo, but they were both looking frightened. "_What the heck are you doing?_" Zolo yelled.

"It's not my fault! Go away!"

"What the heck do you mean?"

"I can't control myself!" Sanji hollered.

"That's wonderful!" Zolo retorted. "What is this? A freaking _romance_ story!"

Suddenly, Zolo moved towards Sanji. "Wha—?"

"Moss head! Leave me alone!"

It was Nami's turn to yell. "Sanji-kun! What are you _doing!_"

Sanji sobbed while still going towards Zolo, "I don't know, Nami-san!"

"Well, get away from him! That's just creepy!"

"I can't—"

Zolo and Sanji met lips, finally reaching each other.

They abruptly pulled away from each other, falling onto the floor and gagging while yelling, "_What the hell?_"

Before they could run to the bathroom and rinse their mouths with soap, their bodies got up, seemingly with a will of their own, and they ended up bringing their arms around each other.

_"Get away from me, Question!"_ Zolo bellowed.

_"Same to you, Marimo!"_

They met lips again, screaming into each other's mouths, both wanting to die and feeling quite ready to do just that and puke.

Usopp ran by at that moment. He was wearing a strange outfit with some kind of afro with horns sticking out of the hair. He also had a curly, over-exaggerated handlebar moustache. Chopper was flying (yes, flying) with a pink cape that had a white 'C' emblazoned on the back towards Usopp, practically pummeling him to death.

"Chopper!" Usopp shrieked. "Stop that!"

"I can't!" Chopper cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Usopp! Help me!"

Luffy arrived on the scene and saw everything that was going on. At that same time, Robin just happened to let her curiosity get the better of her. She walked over to where everything was happening. She was suddenly horrified by what was going on, but she only let her eyes widen.

Then Robin was whacked on the head by Nami.

Right after that, Nami couldn't help but scream, "Robin! Are you okay?"

"Navigator-san, _what_ are you doing?"

"I don't _know!_" Nami screamed back.

"What's going on here?" Robin was attempting to clarify the entire strange situation.

"_I don't know!_"

Luffy rushed back into Nami's bedroom to cower in a corner, very OOC.

With Nami, against her will, whacking Robin over and over again; Zolo and Sanji still kissing and almost puking, wanting to strangle each other instead; and Chopper and Usopp in an OOC battle of their own, a high-pitched yet loud voice echoed out of the sky.

"You are now in _my_ fanfiction, silly StrawHats!"

Zolo, managing to take a breath between extremely unwanted kisses, yelled, "Well, stop it, you *#?¥&!"

"Silly, silly. I'm only nine, and you shouldn't be cussing in my fic."

Robin was the next one to question this evil 'god': "If you're nine, what are you even doing? You're messing up everything worse than those yaoi writers we have to deal with everyday."

"But Chopperman's so cute!" she protested.

"I don't wanna be Chopperman!" Chopper wailed while sending another punch onto Usopp's head.

"And **ZOLO's** so hot!"

"You're _nine!_" Zolo bellowed, now turning as green as his hair with the knowledge that he might as well be kissing Sanji for the rest of his life. "And get my name—" _smooch, _"—right! It's either Zolo or Zoro, *¢%$!"

"Yes, and Sanji's hot, too."

Sanji finally blubbered, "If you like me, why am I _kissing_ Zolo! Why not Nami-swan?"

_SMOOCH._

Sanji and Zolo couldn't take it anymore. They puked into each other's mouths, and then fell onto the ground, unconscious.

"Oh. They won't get up."

Chopper angrily yelled, "They shouldn't! That's _torture_ you put them through!" while Usopp was protesting, "Ow, Chopper! Stop that! I don't like getting punched!"

Robin had several bumps protruding from her head, and Nami had arms sprouting from her arms to stop her from whacking Robin.**

"Now where did Luffy go...?"

"Leave him alone!" Usopp spoke up. "What did he do to you?"

"..."

"Come to think of it," Usopp began again, "what did _any _of us do to you!"

"You were drawn. And put onto a website where everyone can write about you."

Robin bluntly pointed out, "Doesn't mean everyone _should_ write about us."

Nami agreed with an, "Amen to that!" while her arms were straining against Robin's many-armed grasp.

And Luffy was still cowering in that corner.

Message of the strange letter:

helo there 2day iz my 1st dae 2 write a fanfikteon and i hop u wil lyk it lotsa hawt guyz kising n stuf aslo no1 lyks robeen so she getts beet up enjoi!

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**_Hooray for poorly written sentences! :D_

_I had too much fun writing this, and, unfortunately, you probably had too much fun _**_reading _**_this. I came up with this idea three days ago while I was eating cereal. :3 _**ZOLO **_is Zolo/Zoro's 4Kids name because of his ear-murdering deep voice. Zolo isn't any different from Zoro, really... Except for the fact that Zolo gets chased by Jabra and Kaku instead of Jyabura and Kaku in Enies Lobby while he's handcuffed to Usopp. :P Or... something like that. x) -brick'd-_

_And, Chopperman is too cool for mental nine year olds to write about! And same with Usodabada! You _know_ it's true._


End file.
